totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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