I'd wear matching sweaters with you
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
