can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
