I wannas sexs uuuuu
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
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