...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize