You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
worst night to have a conscience
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I don't want my vagina anymore.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
