Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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