addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
