after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Randomize
