woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
