A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
so much tequila, so little girl.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
