mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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