as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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