I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
