garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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