conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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