I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Randomize
