when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
