I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
