Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
