My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
