he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
