After last night, I could never be a politician.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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