some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Randomize
