I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize