guys are only as good as the porn they watch
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
