Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize