I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
