I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
