wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
