the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
