You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Randomize
