I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
