Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
