I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
