I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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