So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Randomize
