and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
