Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
