VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
