So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
