Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
