girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Randomize