OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
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