My sheets look like a crime scene.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Randomize
