just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
