sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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