Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
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