thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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