Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Randomize
