Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
