Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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