Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
