paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Randomize
