i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
