I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
