you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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