watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
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