The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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