sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Randomize
