You're so nebulous sometimes
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
