So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Randomize
