Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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