Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
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