Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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