Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
