Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize
