It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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