so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
why is half of my head shaved?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
