ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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